There is a misconception in the romance world that male authors cannot write with genuine emotion as effectively as women can. I’ve seen more than a few comments from readers, critics, and academics alike that reinforce this idea. The problem is that this notion stems from a number of erroneous and misleading notions concerning what men do, how they think, and how they behave.
Men themselves aren’t much help in this arena. Most guys wouldn’t be caught dead reading a romance novel, and if they were, they’d harrumph and conjure up some bullshit story about trying to figure out why women like this stuff. They’d certainly never own up to reading romance for their own pleasure or entertainment, and the idea of actually writing romance? Insane!
What the romance reader needs to remember is that men are trapped by their ascribed gender roles just as much as women are. Men don’t want to deal with the stigma of being “less than manly” any more than women want to be labeled as “sluts.” Both of these tags set my teeth on edge the more I think about them, if you want to know the honest truth. I’ve come to the point where I put the word “straight” in quotation marks just because I don’t feel my own sexual bias is any more or less correct than anyone else’s, and if I’m “straight,” then someone who’s bi or gay must be “crooked.” Sorry, not buying it, or the lines of crap that radiate from it.
Now that I’ve set up the basic argument, I’m going to put a polish on it by pointing out some things a lot of men would really rather I didn’t. I don’t expect you to take my word for any of this, gentle reader. Instead, try it out for yourself. Ask your lover about these points yourself, or better yet, don’t ask. Observe him when you do certain things and see what he does. Bet you a year’s pay I’m right all down the line. (If I’m not, as regards your current flame, you might want to think about finding yourself a new one. Just sayin’.)
Guys don’t always like being the sexual aggressors. (Because this word has such negative connotations, I might better say “initiators.” Yeah…that works.) Men like to know that their woman still wants them around for more than just opening jars, keeping the light bill paid, and fixing that godawful rattling coming from under the hood of the car. What guys find seductive may not necessarily be what turns you on, but ask yourself this: Do you honestly think most guys will put on Ten Things I Hate About You, which just so happens to be your favorite movie, on their own? Not likely, ladies.
The point is that men want to be appreciated and cared for just as much as you do. Happiness for a man does not solely consist of a full stomach, an empty scrotum, and watching Sons of Guns on Discovery. In our own more than a little dysfunctional way, aided and abetted by five thousand years of clueless eggheads telling us how the sexes ought to behave, we like emotional intimacy and to know our women still find us sexually desirable just as much as women do.
So this raises the question of what it takes to seduce a man.
This is tricky, because all men don’t roll out of the factory tuned to a certain set of specs. Some men enjoy lingerie, while some (ahem *points vaguely to self*) regard it as an expensive and nice-looking waste of time and effort. The fact is the window dressing doesn’t really matter. Most men, and I can absolutely iron-clad guarantee this, would rather see their woman wrapped up in a $5 Wal-Mart towel than a $300 lingerie set from Victoria’s Secret. (And by the way: I don’t know if anyone’s told Victoria, but her secret’s out.)
Here’s the key: Communicate. Ask your man what’s romantic to him. Erotic and romantic aren’t necessarily the same thing, either. Many people of both genders make the mistake of thinking that romance automatically equals sex. Romantic can mean something as simple as passing him a wrench.
I don’t pretend to be able to speak to why all men write romance, but in my case I write it because I enjoy both sex and love. If love is the emotional expression of desire for another person, then sex and physical intimacy must be equally important. I’ve always believed love, and writing, are both magickal in the finest and truest sense of the word. It’s that magick that I try to bring to my work for my readers. And, hey…if it results in two (or more) people enjoying each other’s bodies and company, and maybe developing a deeper understanding of each other, then for my money that’s even better.
A huge thanks to Mary Winter for allowing me to come by and clutter up the place today! I promise I’ll sweep up the cigarette butts before I leave. As a thank you to you wonderful readers, I’m giving away an e-copy of any book on my backlist except Seductress and A Light In The Darkness, along with an absolutely free, never-been-seen before short story called “Make A Wish!” Thanks for coming by, y’all. Leave a comment to win!
Until next time,
Best,
J.S. Wayne